Charisma

My friend’s daughter just turned two this week.  Jon and I do not have children and I have to admit, most times we do not find ourselves all gushy and gawky when it comes to kids.  But Aria is different.  There is something special about her that makes us smile, and just want to be around her.  My cousin, Patrick, who is four is the same way.  It seems no matter what these kids do; we enjoy them and want to see them. 

Aria and her mom with Penny Panda a year ago

What makes these kids different from others?  Charisma.  Some children seem to be born with natural charisma.  People are naturally attracted to them. But does that mean charisma cannot be learned?  No, as you develop your leadership traits, you need to develop your charisma. 

To develop your charisma you need to first understand what charisma is.  Merriam-Webster defines charisma as “a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure.”

Some people feel that charisma is magical and indefinable and that it is a quality that comes at birth or not at all.  But that is not true; charisma is what draws people to you. 

To make yourself the type of person who attracts people to you, there are three things you must work on.  First, love life.  Think of the people you want to be around.  Are they grumpy, bitter, complainers?  Of course not, they are celebrators. 

This is a struggle I have.  It is so easy to take the low road, and see the glass as half-empty.  I work on this daily.  I try to find something good every day. 

Charismatic people see the good in everyone.  Again, it is easy to see only the bad in someone, but to find the good in people, make others and you feel better.  If you appreciate others, support and encourage them, you will help them reach their potential and they will love you for it. 

Charismatic leaders give people hope.  They help others believe and to have that gift people with forever be thankful.

Last, they share themselves with others.  They share stories and wisdom.  People love when leaders share their resources, life journeys, and special occasions.  That is one of my favorite things to do. 

How can we improve our charisma?  Observe how you interact with people.  When you have conversations with others, turn the focus on them, make it less about you.  First impressions do matter.  When you meet someone make sure you remember their name.  Make them feel like they are number one in your book.  Learning names have always been a struggle for me.  I do not like how it makes people feel like they are not important to me.  I try to remember to repeat their name back to them right away and connect their name with something to help me remember.  I know it is easier said than done, because I know this is a struggle for me.  But I also know how I feel when I meet someone for the first time and they remember my name.  It makes me feel good.  I want others to feel just as good when I remember them. 

Share yourself.  Share your resources.  Make a list of five people in your life that you will share more with.  Provide resources that will help them grow personally and professionally, share your journey with them. 

The Mesta mansion is close to me here in Pittsburgh.  Perle Mesta was known as the best hostess in D.C.  Everyone wanted to be at her parties.  As a person who loves to entertain and have parties, I tease and call myself the Perle Mesta of parties.  What drew everyone to her parties?  She made everyone feel so good about coming to her house.  She used to say it was all in the greeting and goodbye.  When a guest arrived she would say, “At last you’re here!” and as each guest left, she said, “I’m sorry you have to leave so soon!” 

Her agenda was to focus on others and not herself.  That is charisma.